they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
