M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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