The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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