Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
