I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
