A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
