I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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