Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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