My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
