Please, let me fuck your mom
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize