is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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