Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
