Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
