i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
