I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
