He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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