So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
