guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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