im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
