Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
