508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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