When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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