I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
