walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
