Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
