Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize