Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
