I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
