Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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