It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
