she smelled like a LAN party
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
