He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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