If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize