There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
