Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
