It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
