Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize