We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
