U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
