And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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