JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
