I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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