I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
