So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
