It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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