"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
