The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
