I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize