i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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