some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
