It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
