So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
