Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
