my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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