Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
