My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
