Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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