you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
