everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's blow job season.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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