Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
