I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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