Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
