i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
