I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
