I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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