At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
