You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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