I cannot find my penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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