I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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