So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize