he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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