The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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