Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude i'm inner monologue high
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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